Puzzle / Identity

Senior year. St. Paul's. 2005.

There's a door in this sport that only opens for a minute, and I walked through mine at the faceoff wing.

Two of my best friends, Kyle Lagratta and Greg Seaman, took the X every draw. My job had nothing to do with the ball until the whistle blew and everything to do with it after. Run to the wing. Get there without dragging. Not winded, not beat down, because two people were counting on me to be exactly where I said I'd be, exactly when I said I'd be there.

I loved it. It was Tetris for me. The ball drops, and where you are the half-second before it lands is the whole game. Win the draw, get it to the attack, move on. Lose it, and now there's a clock running: find the weak link in their clear, put him in a decision he hasn't had to make before, and take it back before the ball reaches their experienced hands and the fight turns even again.

Before I moved off the restraining line, I took a breath and went somewhere else. It was a mind shift in real time in the yards leading up to the wing. Listen to this song, Elk Hunt. It’s within this song where I could visualize the game, I could hear the crowd in the distance, I could listen for teammates voices, I could observe the referee who was about to lead the faceoff, I could assess the opponent who was about to join me on the wing: Could I mess with him? Could I distract him? Was he faster than me? Could he hold a stick properly or was he a football linebacker who was athletic, but he might as well be holding a snow shovel in his hands?

For a few seconds the rules didn't apply the normal way. I could read Kyle and Greg like we'd talked about it beforehand, even when we hadn't.

I loved that role so much I didn't process it well when it started to close. I cared too much of what I didn’t have that I lost the mindset between the lines and that haunts me to this day (more stories to be shared in future letters…)

Other doors opened since. Mad Dog San Diego, La Jolla High School, Events (dot) com, DPR Construction. And now I'm back in the game now in the way that I need to be, Atticus, Mad Dog, Ravenscroft, Harbor Lane.

Here's where it's worth being honest with the current generation of players and families navigating recruiting right now:

this game is a constant game of tetris, on the field and off of it. Everyone's playing a version of musical chairs, who has a spot, who's a fit for a system, who a coach needs this particular year. The players who navigate it best aren't the most talented. They're the ones honest with themselves about what actually makes them feel wanted walking through a front door, which relationships they want with teammates, professors, coaches, tutors, the people who'll be around them for four years, not just the four hours of a visit.

Speaking from experience, chase the fit that's honest. The results follow.

We're building a room. This is where a lot of it gets worked out.

Some nights it's music and nothing else. Some nights it's a conversation with someone who'll tell me the truth about a decision instead of what I want to hear. Some nights it's just sitting with something I got wrong and not rushing past it.

A place to train and be trained, on the field and off it. What to work on, why it actually matters, and people around you who'll tell you the truth instead of what's easy to hear. Players, executives, coaches, parents, mentors, different scoreboards, same room.

Psychological safety isn't a buzzword in there. It's the whole point.

I've made plenty of missteps. I'm not interested in cleaning that up for a newsletter. What I am interested in is the next step, for the business, for the sport, for the guy my wife married and the guy my parents raised. Some of that gets figured out at a desk with a clear head. Most of it gets figured out here, at night, with the volume down low enough to think.

We keep going. That's not a slogan. It's the only strategy that's ever actually worked.

Introducing to you the simplest protein bar ever.

Four ingredients. 16g of protein. 180 calories. 5g of fiber. No preservatives, that's why it ships in a tin!

Jacked Granny tastes like what it's named after, PB&J tastes like PB&J, chocolate tastes like a brownie, and it's easy on the stomach, which matters more than any macro on the label when you're eating on the way to something.

Field & Fathom readers get a discount:

jacked-granny.com/discount/ATTICUS

ON ROTATION | What's Playing

A short history, because the genre deserves more than "vibe":

Japanese producers brought hip-hop home from the U.S. in the 1980s and didn't copy it, the vinyl crackle and off-rhythm drums that came out of Tokyo's clubs weren't flaws, they became the sound. By the 2000s, Tokyo producer Nujabes had turned that into what the world now calls lo-fi, and it found a perfect partner in city pop, Japan's polished, late-night '70s-'80s sound, still one of lo-fi's favorite samples today.

That's this week's soundtrack. Put it on, and go do the quiet work.

About the Author

Kyle Smedley is the founder of Harbor Lane Holdings, building at the intersection of sport, people, and capital.

Career stops include Events.com, Tourmaline Builders, Lombardi Contracting Corporation, and DPR Construction. Today he leads Atticus Lacrosse Company, working alongside Mad Dog Lacrosse and Ravenscroft School, and Harbor Lane Company, operating across real estate, private equity, and talent placement.

Reach out directly: [email protected]

Harbor Lane Holdings

Field & Fathom · Harbor Lane Holdings

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